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DRINK & DRUGS NEWS :: Q&AYou ask the questions - you answer the questions. Please keep your answers coming, and feel free to email a new question. Thanks to this issue's respondents for their contributions. Question:My client has made great progress in fighting his alcoholism,
but recently his father died from liver disease and it has set him
back significantly. Alcoholism runs in his family and he has become
convinced that it's in his blood to follow the same fate. How can
I convince him that he can take his future into his own hands?
[Graham, drug and alcohol worker, Glasgow] Your replies...Dear Graham I have worked in the addiction field since 1991, and during my training as a psychotherapist came across the remarkable Family Systems work practised by Bert Hellinger of Germany. Hellinger trained extensively as a psychoanalyst and psychotherapist, and has much experience working with families from all cultures all over the world. It is a common phenomenon that when a parent, partner or close relative or friend dies the one surviving, consciously or unconsciously, wishes to follow that person, and share the same fate. It may be prompted by loving that person so much and in identifying with them it does not feel possible to survive living without them, or feeling guilty or suffering survivor guilt. Hellinger works with this problem by setting up the 'Family Constellation' in a workshop, where the dead father would be represented by one of the men in the workshop, and either putting in a representative, to begin with, for the son (your client), or putting your client into the constellation straight away to face his father. The workshop members (usually up to 20 people) provide the 'holding circle' for this work, which is experiential - 'to see what is there'. The dynamics are very powerful and authentic. Some grief and many other different emotions rise to the surface, and the facilitator (who has been trained in this work) may suggest sentences to be spoken between the two, or words that need to be spoken may arise spontaneously. The facilitator may possibly add further members of the family or other loved ones to this constellation to support the grieving person. Eventually, if it feels right, it will be suggested that the survivor (the son in this case) can say something along the lines of 'I love you Father (Dad, Daddy), you gave me life, I honour you, and in honour of your memory I will stay and make the very most of this life you have given me'. This usually leaves the survivor feeling more settled and calm, and more with the feeling that this is his own life and in honour of his father he will make good life choices. There is now much literature supporting Bert Hellinger's work and his books can be obtained from Amazon. I am now leading family workshops in London, Hertfordshire, Bristol
and Chester, and would be happy to talk to you more about this work.
The work is comparatively new in the UK but is carried out extensively
in Europe and many other countries. It is my belief that it is particularly
relevant to families who are suffering, or who have suffered from,
addiction and alcoholism and it is my desire to further the work
within the treatment field. Yours sincerely Christine Wilson, Hertfordshire. Tel: 01442 391737, email: christinewilson3@ntlworld.com
Dear Graham Your client currently has two major things going on in his life; his ongoing battle with alcoholism, and grief over his father's death, but he appears to be trying to link the two together. He is convinced that alcoholism is 'in his blood' because of his family history, but the real danger is (even although he may not realise it) that he is using this as an excuse for a potential relapse. I imagine he is very frightened at the reality of death being a consequence of alcoholism, but he should be aware that medical opinion is divided on whether genetics truly have an impact on substance misuse, and it is not necessarily preordained that he will go down the same road as his father. It invariably comes down to choices, and he has the option to choose not to drink, even though his father chose the other option. Tell him that he has already made great steps towards reshaping his future, and that whilst he can do nothing about the past, he can almost always choose the road he wishes to travel henceforth. He must remain very aware that his psyche will always look for excuses to return to drink, but perhaps this awareness will strengthen his resolve to make the best choice. I wish him well. Irene MacDonald, Cheltenham Parent Support Group
Dear Graham I would suggest that you explain to your client that his fear based on self-fulfilling prophecy has no power if he understands that he has the power of choice. He can choose to change. Andrew, Lancashire
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