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DRINK & DRUGS NEWS :: Q&AYou ask the questions - you answer the questions. Please keep your answers coming, and feel free to email a new question. Thanks to this issue's respondents for their contributions. Question:I've been having a relationship with one of my clients and now
we're really serious about each other. I was trying to keep it secret,
but the rumour mill's started up. How can I handle this without
losing my job? [Phil] Your replies...Dear Phil I am an assessment and referral case manager for a Liverpool substance misuse unit, within an inner city area of Liverpool. I would suggest that you read the protocols and ethics of your employer and seek guidance from an external councillor or supervisor. You will need to check your motives. I work with individuals who emotionally can be very vulnerable; I also work with service users who are very emotionally mature, and capable of healthy relationships. I suggest you check out your motives morally, ethically and lawfully. If this is checked and found to be sound, then why would you worry about gossip? If you clean your side of the street then you have nothing to fear or hide. The more transparent and honest with yourself and others you are, the better. I have known of cases where a worker has ended up marrying an ex service user. I would stress the ex. If your check your motives and the service user checks theirs, and you decide you are soul mates, then maybe you either move jobs, refer the client to a new service or worker that provides better or similar services, and close the episode or file with regards to your involvement in the case. I would stress that I do not agree with staff taking advantage of their positions of trust, or their vulnerable needy clients. Professional boundaries are very important, and I would think that it would be looked down on, even if you were not sacked. If you care for this individual, maybe you should wait until her treatment is complete and her episode is closed. George, Liverpool
Phil You should hand in your notice immediately and think long and hard before working with any vulnerable group of people again. While you may feel 'serious' about your client, that's just what he/she is - a client, which means the relationship can't be an equal one. There are good reasons for rules banning relationships between workers and clients - to keep people safe - and you are abusing a position of power by breaking them. Jenny Nicholson, Oxford
Dear Phil I think this is a very complicated situation. At my organisation this would be seen as a breach of trust and we have policies around these issues where you would end up losing your job. We as workers have to shut off from our feelings and remain professional. Our primary focus is what's best for our clients. One of our roles is not to make our clients dependent on us. The only advice I can give is take it to a manager or someone you have supervision with. Harsh as it may seem, looking for a new job might be an answer. John of Lifeline
Dear Phil You are asking the wrong question. It is not a matter of whether you can keep it secret but whether you should have been doing it in the first place. Should a teacher have a relationship with one of their pupils? Should a doctor go out with one of their patients? The answer is of course 'no' and I don't see why drug workers should be any different. There are huge moral issues behind this and I'm not convinced you've given it enough thought. Your prime concern seems to be keeping out of trouble rather than doing the right thing professionally. If this person is really the one for you, then you need to terminate your working relationship immediately. Your client needs to get another drug worker, preferably at another establishment. You cannot have things all ways. Ian, Harrogate
Dear Phil The answer is so simple that you will probably find it easy to ignore it, but here goes... You can't handle this without losing your job and you shouldn't handle this without losing your job. You are a professional, working with vulnerable clients and that means that you are required not to become personally involved with clients. There is no justification for this and it is clearly unacceptable, so that needs to be your starting point in your thinking. The fact is, we are human beings, we make mistakes, we fool ourselves into thinking that there is clear justification for what we are doing or have done and sometimes these things just happen. The key to dealing with it, lies in being really honest with yourself and being prepared to face up to the consequences of your actions. You are not asking yourself to do any more than you would ask of any client who came to you asking for your advice and guidance about a problem in their lives, so what makes you so different? We often tell our clients that life is a game of consequences and often forget how real that it is for ourselves... The 'we're really serious about each other' bit of your letter worries me, as I suspect that no-one could convince you otherwise at the moment. Please ask yourself why, with 60 million other people in the country, you end up in a relationship with your client? In all our interactions with our clients we are always asked to reflect on whose needs are being met in the process. Now is the time to ask yourself that question. Martin Brown, director of services, Community Drug Project
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