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DRINK & DRUGS NEWS :: Q&AYou ask the questions - you answer the questions. Please keep your answers coming, and feel free to email a new question. Thanks to this issue's respondents for their contributions. Question:I came across your magazine on the web and want some advice.
I suspect my teenage son is taking drugs, something he vehemently
denies. I need to know the truth and have heard about drug-testing
kits (and seen them advertised online). Can your readers advise
me if this is a sensible approach? [Ruth, by email] Your replies...Dear Ruth Your situation is tricky and obviously one that has you in emotional turmoil. Although many substance users are in denial of having a problem, there are many that would admit to being a user. Yet admitting to your mother that you are using drugs would be a very difficult decision due to many factors including guilt and shame. The approach of using a drug testing kit could have adverse repercussions regarding your relationship with your son. You could take a step back and offer your son the normal support he needs in a mother to son way without discussing drugs. Being there for him and supporting him would give him the confidence to ask for help if he does find himself with a drug problem. As you did not give any reasons for your suspicions it is difficult to advise regarding this issue, and I was also wondering if you considered that your son may be telling the truth. You are obviously a very caring mother and if you feel you need support yourself you can log on to 'Talk to Frank' on the internet to find organisations where you can get this support. Ian Bowerman, Full Sutton
Dear Ruth It is a positive sign that you are having doubts over the drug
testing kit and asking for advice. Situations like this can cause
major family problems. I work with young people who sometimes face being accused of taking things they have not and it can cause serious conflicts and mistrust in relationships - even professional ones. In some cases young people are put under pressure that may tempt them to try illegal substances. As a result, one option is to try and discuss the situation, or to contact your local young person's substance misuse service for a drug and alcohol awareness session or advice in general. I hope my advice helps in some way and good luck. I work for Drug Sense, a young persons service; if you get stuck give me a ring on 01484 353 353 and I will try help you out the best I can. John, Lifeline, Kirklees
Dear Ruth You can't stop your son taking drugs. But you can help him make better decisions. The important thing is to keep talking. If you do prove that he is taking drugs - or he proves that he isn't - what will be left of your relationship? You will need to be strong and clear-headed whilst he will need to feel safe and trusted, if the pair of you are going to be successful in addressing issues. The nature of the drugs test tends to imply guilt before proving innocence - so unless done by mutual consent it is easy to create more problems than are solved. How much do you know about drugs? There is a world of difference between a joint at a party and developing dependence. If you are coming across indicators of drugs misuse, be aware that they may be due to other reasons. If you suspect injection is involved then get in touch with your local DAT for immediate advice and referral. We have collated a range of approaches to intervention alongside drugs information in our CD-ROM - The Drugs Box Intervention Toolkit. If you contact me (mal@thedrugsbox.com) I will send you a copy free of charge to help you look at ways in which you could approach a further discussion with your son. Mal Williamson, The Drugs Box
Dear Ruth Teenage behaviour can be difficult to understand. You are not alone in concluding that problem behaviour must somehow be attributed to drug use. Parents are often frantic and feel that testing will confirm their worst fears; if proved right, what then? As a drugs worker for a young person's drug service, this request is often raised by a parent at their wits' end. However, if there is strong evidence, then my advice to you is to assume that there is every possibility that a test would be positive. Communication and trust are vitally important within the parent to child relationship and an enforced drug testing is most likely to push your son away. Contact your local drugs service as they should be able to provide support for you in your own right; also written information that could be given to your son will provide him with options of a confidential service. Hang in there! The fact that you are looking for advice says that you are a caring parent seeking solutions. Val Appleton, drug worker, Better Deal Young Peoples Drugs Service, Doncaster
Dear Ruth Some of the kits available over the internet are very unreliable and I personally would not recommend going down that route. Yet, if you do choose to go ahead with testing your son, we have a home testing kit, which is the same accuracy as the ones used in drug treatment centres. Joseph Boyle, Quantum Diagnostics Ltd
Dear Ruth Tread carefully. You are obviously keen to know if your son is using drugs but maybe not so keen to listen to his answers. Some drugs stay in the body longer and therefore, by asking your son to take a test it could give you either a negative or positive result - he could be using and give a negative result if the drugs have left his system or could abstain from using if he knows a test is imminent. However if your son vehemently denies using drugs, could he be telling the truth? It is worth contemplating on the message you are giving your son if you test him; it is quite clearly a message saying you don't believe or trust him. You did not say what leads you to suspect drug use. Could there be problems in your son's life that is changing his behaviour? Even if your son is using, the secret is not to panic. It's not uncommon for young people to experiment with drugs and it doesn't always lead to addictive use. Forty per cent of young people try cannabis but not all go on to use it. It is important to create a climate of trust and honesty to enable him to talk about his problems. I think this is how you find the truth and not through a drug test. If he feels that he is trusted, he is more likely to disclose any problems. An open conversation showing your concern is likely to achieve far more than a drugs test, which may give you a result - but at what cost to your relationship with your son? Tread carefully and show him your care and concern, but don't lecture him. Let him know that when he is ready you will be there for him. Trust him to tell you what is wrong when he is ready. Mel Riley, counsellor and drug worker, Wolverhampton
Dear Ruth Rather than offer advice, which would not be specific enough because the dynamics of your relationship are unknown, I wish to pose some questions that may help. The first question you should ask yourself is: 'What will I do with the information gained from the test?' The reason for this question is because it is the same question your son asks and answers in his head when you ask him if he is using drugs. What do you think your son's response would be and do you think his answer would be the same as yours; if not, what could change that? A drug test will only give you one answer to one question. Therefore, if your son does not want you to know that answer, then what damage does this answer do - and how productive would it be in terms of your relationship and the effect it would have on his drug use? Another question would be: 'How much knowledge do you have about drugs, and do you think your son is using?' The more knowledge you have, the more discussions you and your son could have about drugs and their effects. As a result, rather than the topic 'drugs' being a challenge to him, it might turn into a non-judgemental discussion which would help your son feel more confident about talking to you when he is ready - and not when you catch him out. Scott, DIP senior practitioner
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